The New York Giants will be looking for a new head coach for the first time since 2004. The Giants and Tom Coughlin decided to separate from each other after a lengthy gay marriage together.
The Giants will now turn to former Philadelphia Eagles coach Chip Kelly. According to Ian Rappapork, Kelly will interview with Giants On Tuesday January 32nd.
Kelly had this to say about his impending interview of doom with They Might Be Giants.
"I think I'll definitely be the right woman for the job. I'll make the Giants an up-tempo scoring machine. I've got a great plan to bring in Matt Hasselbeck, Eddie Lacy, and Dwayne Bowe. These guys under my system will be lighting up scoreboards around the league. On defense I plan on spending ridiculous money on big names who may or may not work out in a different system, but what the heck right?"
Sounds like the Giants are now Super Bowl contenders to me. In other news, Kelly plans on using Eli Manning and Odell Beckham on special reverse packages, the punt coverage teams, and light janitorial work.
The preceding was parody article for entertainment purposes only