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Parody News: BREAKING: Peyton Manning Announces He'll Retire After Super Bowl 50

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The Denver Broncos punched their ticket to Super Bowl 50, with a 20-18 victory over the New England Patriots. The Broncos will face the Carolina Panthers in what should be a very entertaining blood bath.

The questions have been running rampant (as opposed to walking rampant) about the future of QB Peyton Manning. Will he retire? Will he return? Will he cry like Tom Brady? The answers to these questions......can't be answered right now. Then what about the headline that Manning was retiring after Super Bowl 50? That will be explained in the paragraph right below you.

No I'm just kidding, I'm using this paragraph to ask a very important question. What is the deal with that Michael Jordan crying meme I've been seeing everywhere? What is the deal with that? Again?

Anyway as for the topic at hand...what is the deal with that Michael Jordan......no just kidding. Back to Manning retiring after Super Bowl 50. You see Manning will be competing in a ice cream eating contest. Manning will compete with other fat slobs and bozos to see who can eat the most ice cream out of a 50 gallon bowl. Hence the name Super Bowl 50. Manning said he will definitely retire from competitive ice cream eating afterwards.

Talk about the coincidence of coincidence that Super Bowl 50 (the ice cream one) is also taking place around the same time as Super Bowl 50 (the football game). What a strange coincidence. These things always seem to happen at Parody News. And that my friends is the cherry on top of the Sundae. 

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.

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