Falsity News: BREAKING: Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib Arrested For Solicitation

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

With Super Bowl 50 only a few days away, Denver Broncos star CB found himself in a rather compromising position, as he was arrested last knight.

It looks like the Broncos could be without their best offender, as Talib was arrested for solicitation. Earlier this weak, as opposed to earlier this strong, Talib was arrested for solicitation.

The end.

Just kidding, let me explain. You see, Talib was caught trying to sell time-shares in the secret Illuminati Pyramids. I guess you could call it a pyramid scheme. Anyways to get a free vacation to the pyramids filled with dirt, dust, filthy rats, and mummies, all you have to do is go to a seven hour long time-share meeting where some awful jackass talks about blah blah blah.

Talib will serve a jail sentence of 587 years with a chance of prohibition after 247 years. Seeing as Talib won't be playing, the Carolina Panthers will now win the Superbowl by 100 points as opposed to the 80 they would have won it by with Talib Kweli in the lineup.

The end for real this time.

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only