WWE Raw this past Monday had a very emotional ending. Long time fan-favorite Daniel Bryan announced his retirement due to lingering injuries.
Although Bryan retired on WWE television, that doesn't mean he can't sign elsewhere. Knowing this, the urchins over at TNA offered Bryan a huge contract worth billions of dollars and free neck trims with his haircuts.
TNA is going all out to beat WWE. They will be bringing back Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Ric Flair, Woo! The hack writers at TNA are already hard at work on planning an angle for Bryan where he has to beat the old guys to win the championship or something. Only problem, Hogan has creative control in his contract that will allow him to beat Bryan every time.
In Hogan's own words "It's best for business brother. Hogan knows best" How ironic. Anyway the main event for TNA Shamiversary is already set as Hogan/Bryan as they'll square off in a 'Viagra On A Pole' match. Wow, what kind of idiot would think of a match like that?
In other news Vince Russo has been hired back by TNA to be their head booker. Russo already has plans on bringing back the NWO. Bryan will be the 8th member to join the group, after that his name will change to 'Hot Dawg' because there are eight hot dogs in a pack! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.