Falsity News: BREAKING: Archie Manning Provided Call Girls For Peyton And Other Tennessee Players

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Reports surfaced last week that Peyton Manning likely committed sexual assault/harassment, while he attended the University of Tennessee. Peyton's father, Archie Manning was also involved in a botched-up cover-up of Peyton's indiscretions.

New reports coming out from Ow-Jazzlearha state that Archie provided call-girls for his sun Pey-Pey and some other roided up goons on the Foosball team.

The girls were brought in to call for things that the guys needed. One guy needed to hire a PI to find out who was stealing his grandmothers false teeth, another player needed someone to leave nasty messages at Jiffy Lube after they accidentally put fry oil in his car instead of motor oil, and another player had a girl prank call President Bill Clinton (He was da president at the time). 

As for Peyton, he used his girl to make several tedious calls about the unpaid parking tickets he got for the Buick that was illegally parked on his forehead. He also put his balls on the girls face, football sticker balls that is. The stickers are to symbolize peace in the Middle East. We've just gotten word from U.S. Un-Intelligence that ISIS plans to kill the girls face. Way to go Obama!

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only