Wayne Gretzky is no doubt the greatest hockey player in the history of the NHL. It comes with a heavy heart that we must deliver the news that Gretzky has dyed early this morning.
The once beautiful blonde hair of Gretzky is now dark black. But why? Gretzky says that he wants to look younger, so he can pick up chicks and stuff. After reading the last sentence Gretzky's wife decided to leave him.
Wayne will now have to pay 80 billion-fo-fallion-gajillion dollars in Mony Mony. Speaking of which.....
Now, that the silliness is over with, we can be serious again.
In all seriousness.... Crony Capitalism just isn't the right thing for America. It's time for a revolution people! Let's build a wall around corporate greed.
Anyway, this whole story was a dream sequence, which means Gretzky still has blonde hair. The end.
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.