Parody News: BREAKING: CB Josh Norman Signs With Chicago Bears

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

On the same day that the Philadelphia Eagles traded for the #2 pick in the NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers also rescinded the franchise tag from their star CB Josh Norman making him an unrestricted free agent.

Norman's phone has been ringing off the hook from potential suitors, like Miley Cyrus on Prom night. It appears as if the Chicago Bears are the team that has won over the heart of Norman. 

The Bears will be signing Norman to a one year 100 million dollar deal, with a team option for a second year for a mere 85 million. In addition to being the #1 CB, Norman also demanded to be the starting QB, to which the Bears GM said "Who the hell is our QB anyway? Oh yeah the Cutler guy. Screw him"

Jay Cutler was so upset that he went on a drinking bender with Johnny Manziel. Cutler got so drunk over a three day span that he got gender reassignment surgery. Then he made the bad mistake of going to a public restroom in North Carolina where he was for a book signing for his new children's book 'Green pukes and ham'

Cutler was immediately arrested and transferred to Texas where he'll be beat mercifully and executed via the electric chair. Talk about a crazy domino effect, not to be confused with Butterfly Effect. Speaking of Butterfly Effect does anyone else think that could have been a decent movie if they got a better actor than Ashton Kucher?

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.