San Francisco 49'ers QB Colin Kaepernick made headlines when he refused to stand for the National Anthem before the 49'ers Preseason game against the Green Bay Packers.
Kaepernick said he felt uncomfortable paying respect to a country to oppresses fish, because after all, human beings and fish can coexist peacefully.
The true bombshell came just moments ago when our very own intoxicated reporter Sherlock Gnomes confirmed through unreliable sources that Kaepernick indeed has ties to ISIS. Yes, Kaepernick has ties to the group International Systems of International Systems, not to be confused with the awful terrorist organization Islamic State of Iraq and Syria.
For of those you wondering what International System of International System means, well nobody really knows. It honestly sounds like something made up by a fool with no imagination. Anyway after more digging our reporter Gnome found out that the group is just a cover for a secret Dungeon and Dragons club.
For those of you wondering (again) what Dungeons and Dragons is, well it's a game played by mostly nerds where you have to explore dungeons and fight monsters, and yada yada. It's the game the boys were playing in the fantastic Netflix series Stranger Things right before the bland and uninteresting kid was kidnapped by the monster thing. By the way, Toothless rules!
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.