Falsity News: BREAKING: Oakland Raiders Sign RB Ray Rice

Justin K. Aller/Getty Images
Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

With Ray Rice's domestic abuse case now officially behind him, the former all pro running back is once again a hot name on the market. Or should I say, was on the market. Because it appears as if a team has already jumped on the young man and that team is the Oakland Raiders.

The Raiders have signed Rice to a 6 year contract worth 112 million. To make room for Rice, the Raiders had to cut Derek Carr, Kahlil Mack, and Bo Jackson.

Upon hearing of the news of his signing Rice had this to say......

"I can't believe it man, I'm thrilled. I've learned a very valuable lesson too. If I'm going to beat my wife I need to do it where there are no cameras. I mean, just look at how much quicker Greg Hardy was signed before me"

The Vegas odds for the AFC West division have shifted mightily too after the Rice signing. Here are the current odds...

Raiders 2-1

Broncos: Screwed

Chargers: Really screwed

Chiefs: Screwed more than a Kardashian on Prom Night

In other news the Raiders have removed all elevators from the team facilities. Soon after that, Rice was arrested for DUI and will now be exiled to serve on 'The Knights Watch'. Winter is coming, so don't be a wife beater or a King slayer.

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.