The Cleveland Browns lost their regular season opener to the Philadelphia Eagles 29-10. Not only that, but starting QB Robert Griffin III suffered a shoulder injury that will place him on IR for at least half the season. What else is new right?
The obvious options for the Browns include letting Josh McCown take over or letting the sure fire bust of a rookie QB Cody Kessler take over. The Browns have decided for a much more entertaining route as they plan to bring back perpetual punchline Johnny Manziel.
Seeing as the Browns came to Manziel begging and pleading they may have overpaid just a little. Manziel will receive 20 million a year, which can turn into 25 million this year, as long as Manziel doesn't show up hungover for any games. Of course there was nothing in the contract about being hungover at practice. Typical Browns.
As part of his signing Manziel also demanded that he get to hold the Cleveland Cavaliers championship trophy for a night. Manziel and his entourage (Turtle included) chainsawed the trophy open and were drinking some Henny out of it all night. Lebron James is not too happy about it to say the least. Typical Browns.
Also the Browns must build a statue of Manziel outside of the toilet bowl of a stadium and guarantee in writing that the Browns can't draft a QB next year until the 12th round, which the Browns accepted of course. Typical Browns.
Las Vegas now has the Browns as a 9999999999999999999999999999999-1 shot to win four games this year. Not sure I like those odds. Typical....yeah whatever.
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.