Falsity News: BREAKING: Johnny Manziel To Workout For New England Patriots

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

The New England Patriots improved to 2-0 yesterday by defeating the Miami Dolphins 31-24. Things aren't all sunny for the Patriots however, as interim starting QB Jimmy Garopollo went down with an injury that will keep him out for Thursday's tilt against the also 2-0 Houston Texans.

Jacoby Beef Brisket is slated to get the start against the Steers, but the Pats plan on working out the man, the myth, the human disaster Johnny Manziel.

Manziel will have a real chance to be the Patriots 3rd string QB if he shows up to his workout not hungover. If all goes well, then Manziel will have a permanent spot on the Patriots to carry Tom Brady's bags, be a party coordinator, and of course help the Pats with their many 'secret operations'

As for Garopollo, he could miss one game or 2,789 games, somewhere in that range. Reports are coming out from Neagen Rappaport (batter up!) that the Cleveland Browns are trying to trade for the young Jimmy G-String. The Browns are willing to give up every draft pick they have for the next three years. A spokestransgender person for the Browns had this to say...

"Well we've been wasting draft picks for years anyway, so might as well put all of our eggs in the basket of a fine looking young man whose had two successful NFL starts. That's how we roll in Brownsville baby!"

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.