Parody News: BREAKING: Cole Hamels Has Been Traded To The Yankees

Caylor Arnold-USA TODAY Sports
Caylor Arnold-USA TODAY Sports

With the MLB trade deadline vastly approaching, Cole Hamels has been one of the hottest names on the trade market. Well, it appears as if a team has swooped in to win the Hamels sweepstakes. 

Earlier today the Yankees officially traded for Hamels. Not the New York Yankees, but the New York Spankees. For anyone who might be a little confused, let me explain. The Spankees are part of a different baseball league, a league that encourages child spanking. Other teams in the league include, the Seattle Slappers, Boston Belt Buckles, and the Minnesota Petersons.

It's quite the coincidence that Hamels was traded in the other league he's in, when the Philadelphia Phillies are likely to also trade him in the MLB world. Just recently, Hamels threw a no-hitter with his now former team the Punxsutawney Phillies. Yes, every spank Hamels threw against the naughty children, received no hits back. Of course if you really think about it, the rules of the spank league don't make much sense. Oh well, when in doubt look to the wise Homer Simpson for the answer. Take it away Homer........

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.