Falsity News: BREAKING: Derrick Rose Turns Himself Into The Authorities

David Richard-USA TODAY Sports
David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

Chicago Bulls superstar PG Derrick Rose, has found himself in the headlines the past few days for all of the wrong reason. Things appear to be taking a turn for the worse, as far as Rose is concerned.

Earlier tomorrow, Rose turned himself into the authorities. The Bulls were very disappointing that Rose stole the team bathroom pass, but they're happy that Rose had enough sense to turn himself in to upper management. The Bulls take the team bathroom pass very seriously and Rose will no doubt have consequences to pay for his indiscretion. 

According to our very own reporter, Scotty Pippy Longstocking, the Bulls will release Rose sometime yesterday. In one final act of defiance, Rose stole the bathroom pass again. After trying to outrun the fat, incompetent, moron of a security guard, Rose tore his something or other and will now miss a million-billion-gazillon-fofillion games.

The Bulls will now reportedly sign Greg Oden to a record six year 250 million dollar contract. Unfortunately, Oden broke his wrist signing the contract. 

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.