Randy Orton defeated Sheamus at last nights WWE Monday Raw live from Baltimore, MD. After the match, Orton was attacked by the Wyatt Family and needed assistance leaving the ring.
Later on backstage, Orton was struck in the head by Xavier Woods playing the trombone. Orton immediately yelled "Ow my head" to the rhythm of "New Day rocks/sucks". Shortly afterwards, Orton no longer heard 'The voices in his head' so because of that he'll miss significant time in his normal therapy sessions. Besides hearing such voices in his head, Orton is pretty much a well adjusted human being.
-In other news, the Dudley Boys are being sued by Ikea for destroying priceless $20 tables
-Nikki Bella is suing her acting class teacher. Makes sense if you watch any of her promos
-The next guest on the Stone Cold Steve Austin Podcast will be fan favorite Duke 'The Dumpster' Droese. Talk about must see TV.
-Vince McMahon was heard telling announcers Michael Cole and that other generic guy to say "Wow! What a maneuver after spectacular move. Byron Saxophone questioned McMahon, so now he's fired. He'll be replaced by the Bella Twins, which will make Raw virtually unwatchable.
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.