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Falsity News: BREAKING: David Ortiz Tests Positive, Will Face Lengthy Suspension

Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports
Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports

David Ortiz is a legend for the Boston Red Sox. There's no doubt about that. But it looks as if his legend will now have a black cloud hanging over it.

Ortiz tested positive for an MLB banned substance and will be punished accordingly. The substance in question is air. What could possibly be so bad about air? This air in question is the same air that Tom Brady extracted out of the AFC Championship footballs.

Ortiz took the air and injected it into his body via syringe (gross). The air is believed to make his muscles bigger or something like that. These are the words from Dr. Riveria, he also said "Hi everybody!"

Ortiz denies all allegations and is blaming two bat boys. Coincidentally, one of the bat boys is nicknamed the "inflater". The inflater, as he calls himself, said that the name came from trying to gain weight. The young man is apparently trying to gain weight to win a George Wendt lookalike contest.

The other bat boy was Roger Goodell dressed as a teenager. Goodell simply said "Maybe this will take some heat off of me" Of course it will Roger, except for the fact that he was caught saying that by TMZ in a elevator, with the air pump, and Colonel Mustard.

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.

Besides it was really Professor Plum in the elevator.


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