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Falsity News: BREAKING: New England Patriots Sign QB Ryan Mallett

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

The Houston Texans released QB Ryan Mallett yesterday. Mallett missed the teams flight to Miami the previous week. Apparently that was the last straw after Mallett had been benched and became a locker room malcontent.

It only took a day for the New England Patriots to scoop up Mallet, who was once a member of the team. Mallett had this to say...

"I'm thrilled to be back with the Patriots. The Texans definitely aren't committed to winning like the Pats are. I mean the Texans don't videotape other teams practices, they don't deflate balls, and they get mad when I throw a temper-tantrum to try get more flags."

Of course what Mallett didn't know before he said those things were, that the Patriots are not bringing him back to be the backup to Tom Brady, but instead to be a sensitivity trainer for the team. He'll help the players deal with very real emotional problems and will help them deal with the hardships of their own troubled psyche's to help them live full and meaningful lives both in the NFL and afterwards. Just kidding he's really going to be the teams Assistant Towel Boy, although he might not be qualified for such a position. 

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.


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