Falsity News: BREAKING: Dallas Cowboys DE Greg Hardy Arrested Last Night

Erich Schlegel-USA TODAY Sports
Erich Schlegel-USA TODAY Sports

Dallas Cowboys DE Greg Hardy is no stranger to controversy. In last weeks 27-20 loss to the New York Giants, Hardy had a huge blowup with teammate Dez Bryant on the sideline. It's pretty easy to tell from that how much of a hothead Hardy can be.

Hardy's temper got him in quite the pickle yesterday as he was arrested for assault at a local McDonalds. Apparently, Hardy was upset about the toy he got in his Happy Meal. Hardy became agitated when he got the blue ranger for the third time in as many weeks. Hardy become really angry when the cashier told him they didn't have the pink ranger that he so desired. Hardy proceeded to give the the employee a huge McBeating. 

The battered employee, Macully Culkin had this to say after the horrifying incident....

"That guy was really out of line. He beat me over a dang pink ranger yo. Had me putting my hands on face and yelling like I did in the movie Home Alone. You guys remember that right? I hit the bad guys with the paint cans and everything. And then we did Home Alone 2 the next year even though it made no sense as far as story goes. I mean why would that big family even think about going on another vacation the following year after leaving me at home the first time? And seriously what are the chances that I randomly run into the same villains this time in New York City? I mean come on....."

Culkin continued to babble for another 20 minutes or so and then begged us for a job. Poor guy was probably still delirious from his Big Mac style beat down.

As far as Hardy goes, he'll get a two game suspension, which will then turn into a year long suspension after the ghouls at TMZ get their filthy hands on the surveillance video. Happy Halloween!

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.