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Falsity News: BREAKING: Ronda Rousey Announces Retirement

Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

The unthinkable happened at UFC 193. The seemingly invincible Ronda Rousey lost via knockout to Holly Holm. Now that Rousey has been exposed to be mortal, what does the future hold now?

Earlier today, Rousey announced on her Instasham account that she will indeed be retiring. Yes, Rousey will be retiring from Netflix binge-watching. For those that don't know, Netflix is a wonderful streaming service where people pay a monthly fee and are able to watch a variety of TV shows and movies at their convenience. 

Rousey, a notorious Netflix binge-watcher decided she needs to stop. Rousey even went as far to say that it affected her focus, which caused her to get knocked the fudge out by Holm. Rousey claimed that she would use Netflix as motivation for fights before. Like watching the embarrassingly bad last episode of Dexter (that's enough to make anyone mad). 

Rousey has learned from mistake and will now watch Fox News to get mad. Because the great thing about Fox News is it will make you mad without wanting to watch more than 15 minutes at a time. This way Rousey won't be stuck on the couch watching addictive shows like Breaking Bad and American Horror Story. Now, she'll watch a different type of American Horror Story.

In other news, new milk cartons are being produced with Mike Huckabee's picture on it. They should be out real soon.

And of course here are the highlights of Rousey's first loss. Darn you Netflix!

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.


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