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Falsity News: BREAKING: Chris Davis Makes Decision On Where He'll Sign In 2016

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports
Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Chris Davis had a disappointing 2014 campaign for the Baltimore Orioles. 2015 wasn't the same story however. Davis reestablished himself as one of the elite power hitters in the league. Just in time for a big free agent payday.

The speculation has been running rampant on where Davis will sign. But it appears of if Davis has made a decision. Earlier today on his Crumblr account, Davis announced that he will indeed sign with the New Syrian Yankees. Yes, Davis has decided to forego millions of dollars to play for the New Syrian Yankees. 

Davis posted on his Facediary account that his plan is simple. In the post Davis writes "By playing baseball in more desolate and rough areas it will make me look stronger, so that way I can transition into being a big action movie star like The Rock or Eric Roberts"

Unfortunately, Davis will not be able to play in the United States for a while. Apparently, Syria has been getting attacked by Adderall dealers. For those that don't know Adderall is a prescription medication for people with ADHD, but the drug could be comparable to speed if overdosed. As we all know, Davis has had his own demons when it comes to Adderall.

The Adderall problem in Syria is so bad that many people have begun to flee the country. Access to America may be hard to come by, as certain politicians are scared that some of the Adderall dealers may slip in with the fleeing masses. It's become such a big story that everyone is sharing their opinions on their respective Hatebook accounts. 

The recent events have created a lot of hate for scientists across the world. People are making prejudiced and inflammatory remarks of all scientists based on the actions of the extremist scientists that created Adderall. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump believes all white lab coats should be rounded up and burned. 

The scientist extremist group simply known as Science's has made many threats, namely actor Bryan Cranston for playing the character Walter White on the hit show Breaking Bad, saying that he is a false prophet and must be eliminated.

After realizing all the drama that he would go through on the New Syrian Yankees, Davis said "Screw all that, I'll just sign with the Milwaukee Brewers or something"

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.



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