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Falsity News: BREAKING: Patrick Kane To Be Suspended

Patrick Gorski-USA TODAY Sports
Patrick Gorski-USA TODAY Sports

Chicago Blackhawks superstar Patrick Kane is currently in the middle of an amazing hot streak. As of this writing, Kane has scored a point in 26 straight games. Wayne Gretzky must be shaking in his skates right now, as his 51 game point streak is in grave danger.

Of course things might get really complicated, as Kane was suspended earlier today. Yes, Kane was suspended in gravity at the Carvel Cake Canaveral Space Center in New York City, Indiana. 

Kane was there doing a favor for the Make A Dish Foundation. The foundation gathers together lonely housewives so they exchange pot luck recipes and make fun of their husbands faces when they check their fantasy football scores.

Anyways Kane was requested by one of the members to come to the Crawl Space Center and be suspended in gravy as the ladies shared some delicious pot roast pop tarts (Coming soon to a store near you). It's hard to tell if Kane's visit at the Space like center will have any effects or affects on his trivial pursuit of Gretzky's streak.

The rumors have been swirling and we here can confirm... that Kane is indeed having a chicken salad sandwich for lunch. It's still unknown however if the sandwich will be on wheat or pumpernickel bread. We'll have an answer in the next issue. An answer for what? I'm not quite sure.

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.


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