Falsity News: BREAKING: Peyton Manning Admits To Using PED's

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports
Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

A shocking report came out recently, accusing Denver Broncos QB Peyton Manning of using HGH (Human Growth Hormone). Manning has vehemently denied the reports of his alleged HGH use in 2011.

Manning however has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs amidst the controversy. In Manning's own words....

"Yes, I must admit I've been using performance enhancers for years now. Viagria, Cialis, all that good stuff. Sometimes I gotta get my little Eli ready for game day if you know what I mean"

A shocking confession indeed. Make all your jokes of Manning coming up short in the playoffs, but he doesn't come up short in.......well you know. Seeing as this might cause some concern amongst common people and communists alike, Manning has decided to make a song about it to the theme of that Nationwide jingle he does.

"Losing feeling in my thing

Expectations on the rise

It's a first rate ego trip

Better than my noodle arm

(Inner monologue) Speaking of Noodles.....

Chicken Parm you taste so good."

That ad campaign is sure to make even more money than Star Wars or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

In other news, authorities are currently looking for the owner of a 74 Buick Skylark that has his car illegally parked on Peyton's forehead.

The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.